Thursday, October 18, 2007

BP at Photo East

The Bitter Photographer hopes to see you all at Photo East. Here is a list of the workshops he plans on attending:

-Creating Believable Fake Receipts:How to turn a $500 editorial job into a two thousand dollar boondoggle

-Ad Job Yoga: How to bend over while seeming to hold your head high

-Tax Tips: How to claim the cleaning lady as your studio manager

-Which is more rare?: The Wooly Mammoth or the Honest Agent? Hope to see Happy Sally there!!

-The Alec Soth Hugging Booth (running all weekend)-come console Soth and listen to all the ways BP hurt his feelings.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Thumbs Up to Chase Jarvis!

Photo by Chase Jarvis

The Bitter Photographer would like to give a shout out to fellow blogger and photographer rights champion: Chase Jarvis.

While it is true Chase is twice the man BP will ever be.( With a name like Chase it is a given and you can see how yummy Chase is by reviewing the dozen or so videos featuring CJ in helicopters, cars, trains, bikes, ATVs, camels, yurts etc on his blog) The Bitter Photographer is afraid of heights and soiled himself last time he went on a ride on Coney Island.

The Bitter Photographer really appreciates how Chase has embraced Royalty Free pricing on Getty. Who do these photographers think they are charging $49/image? If Happy Sally hadn't landed that monster deal in Malaysia the BP would join Chase by licensing hundreds of RF images through Getty. Chase gets it and the BP gets Chase.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Bitter Photographer Hearts Microstock

Big News!! Happy Sally just negotiated a monster deal to sell every photograph he ever shot to a Micro stock agency in Malaysia!!

After the US stock agency takes its 55% cut and the foreign agent takes their 60% of that and HS takes her normal 70% commission the bitter photographer should have enough to order a Vente (!!!!!!!) Pumpkin Carmel Frapaccino next time he goes to Starbucks. Who says photography doesn't pay?

Next UP on The Bitter Photographer's Crew: BP's First Assistant:Jack S. Tud

Jack is an all around great guy and the Bitter Photographer would be lost without him. Jack is the Tonto to BP's Lone Ranger. The Starsky to BP's Hutch and the Tina to BP's Ike.

JT is always willing and eager to pitch in whenever something needs to be done. Whether it is loading a camera, picking up BP's laundry or giving BP one of his patented all over massages. The Bitter Photographer especially likes those when his girlfriend is out of town or in a bad mood. Mmmmmmmm.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Meet BP's Team. First Up His Rep:HAPPY SALLY

The Bitter Photographer thought this would be a good time to introduce the people who have made BP the man who his: starting with his rep: Happy Sally.

BP: Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

HS: Sure, I work really hard to make sure all my photographers have long, successful and happy careers.

BP: How many photographers do you represent?

HS: We try and not take on too many artists. It is crucial that each photographer gets the time and attention they need. Right now we only rep 145 photographers but we also have illustrators, stylists and animal trainers. We really are a boutique agency .

BP: Can you tell us a little about your background?

HS: Love to!! I have been in the business for 10 years. Before being a rep I sold time shares in Toledo and did PR for Atria Group.

BP: What is your style of working? Do you have a philosophy?

HS: We will beat any price!

BP: You're the best.

Friday, October 5, 2007

An Open Letter to Jorg Colberg and the members of the Conscientious Camera Club

Dear Sirs,

The Bitter Photographer is heartily sorry for any harm he may have caused by any of his recent posts.

The BP understands the work of the camera club is very important and needs to be taken seriously. Some say we as a nation should concentrate on planning our victory celebration in Iraq. I say no! I say what we need to focus on is making, posting and discussing photographs of empty parking lots and poor southerners holding dead animals.

The Bitter Photographer gets it and apologizes. It won't happen again.


The Bitter Photographer

PS Hope to see you all at the Rec Center on Sat.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Conscientious on Larry Sultan

I rather like the Valley work of Larry Sultan ( . He is able to combine two of my favorite things:photography and porn. If he could somehow include a big tub of fried chicken I would be in heaven. Jorg Colberg

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Let's Tip Our Hats for a Moment





The Bitter Photographer would like to talk about something serious for a minute. The blog is all fun and good but the nation is at war.

You may ask yourself. What can I do to help the war effort? What can I do to counter the defeatists? Truth be told BP is a bit of a coward. But he knows three brave men who have made the ultimate sacrifice:They worked on ad campaigns.

John Huet and Andy Anderson (an Air Force veteran) shot recruitment campaigns and let's not forget the work done by Walt Denson for Haliburton. Where would we be in Iraq without our contractors? The BP shudders to think about it.

What the Bitter Photographer can not abide is the work of anti Americans like Nina Berman. If we are going to defeat the enemy we can't have photographers like Berman giving the wrong impression about the war.

The Cooz and The Perv

Please correct the Bitter Photographer if he is wrong. All his information comes third hand from the internet.

Jock Sturges made images of naked people (some prepubescent girls) on a beach in France.

Mona Kuhn assisted him.

Later, Mona made pictures of nude people on a beach in France BUT USED A DIFFERENT CAMERA.

Is the BP the only one who thinks this is whacked?

What if Atget had an assistant who shot Paris at dawn but used a 4x5 instead of 8x10?

As an aside the BP will not be asking JS to babysit his nieces any time soon.

Monday, October 1, 2007

The $100,000 phone call

There are times when the Bitter Photographer has to get on a conference call with an ad agency to land a campaign. Usually it is down to the BP and two other shooters.
The BP has to be ON.

It is the BP's experience that the key to these conversations is to lie. Avoid the truth at all costs.

The BP wants to say things like:

"Oh this looks just like the campaign that I saw in CA two years ago."
"Don't you think copying this image from another photographer is against the law?"
"I have no idea what this campaign is about. What does a sheep have to do with selling deodorant?"
"You really are a moron"

But instead The Bitter Photographer magically transforms himself into AP:The Alpha Photographer.

"Damn Skippy I will shoot this campaign for you and I will kill it. I am gonna bitch slap it until it forgets its name"
"It is so great that you even considered me to shoot this can of soda on white. I can really see how my images i spent 10 years working on of dieing AIDS patients make me perfect for this shoot"
"I agree, I think experience is overrated. So what if you are 18 months out of the AD Circus and I have been shooting since Carter was president. Its allllll good dude"
"After looking at your comps it make me really wish they gave a Nobel Prize for advertising."