Monday, January 28, 2008

New Consulting Business/Legal Defense Fundraiser

The BP has been mired in a string of legal cases that have been brought against him by former employees so he has not had time to devote to blogging. But like Conscientious Camera Club and Rob Haggart, he can spot an opportunity to make a killing when he sees one.

The Bitter Photographer feels like an idiot for missing this. He has spent the last two decades wasting time trying to get people to pay him take pictures. Why spend your time trying to get Art Buyers and photo editors to hire you when you can make a living off a group of people who:

-are desperate and driven by fear

-think that any problem can be solved by throwing money at it and the more money you throw at a problem the better


The answer of course is other photographers. The BP will follow in the footsteps of other such luminaries as: Seth Resnick, Douglas Kirkland, Michael Grecco and Greg Gorman.

For an nominal fee ($650/hour -the same as BP's lawyer charges) clients will cover such topics as;

-How to take a lens cap off properly

-The Web: A Flash in the Pan -Don't waste your time.

-How much to bribe an Art Buyer to hire you

-The best way to hide jobs from your rep so you don't have to pay a commission

-How to answer the phone so it sounds like you have a giant studio and don't in fact live with your mother in law

58 comments:

cafe selavy said...

This is my first time here. You are a funny guy. I like this post. I've tried taking off the lens cap, but things still aren't working out. I'm coming back for further instructions.

Anonymous said...

How's the weather in San Francisco today?

Anonymous said...

I would like to see a topic covered: How to compete with amateurs who want to be pros and are just as good as the actual pros who hate them and want them to go back to flickr.

I sick and tired of my gap being reduced now that these AMATEURS can cheaply buy the same gear I have! Gear was my buffer zone!! If the worlds wants to base photography on talent alone, well, world, I think you're in trouble. THESE PEOPLE AREN'T PROS!!!

Anonymous said...

We need you now more than ever

Anonymous said...

Thank God you are back. I was getting tired of ranting to myself in the bathroom mirror every morning about Colberg, Beckman, Powerhouse Books, Conde Nasty, low rates, and douchebags in general.

Anonymous said...

yay! you're back! i heart bp!

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Anonymous said...

Glad you're back BP

PP

p.s. how did you know I lived with my mother in law? :)

Anonymous said...

So how about those tips on hiding work from your rep?

I love the bit on the show Extras where the agent finds out the one guy was cleaning gutters on the side and wanted his 20%

David Murray Weddings said...

Good to see you back. You have been missed!

Anonymous said...

So real money finds true talent after all? Such wisdom! Hopefully all can learn from your mistake. I wish you luck with your new career.

While your envy was focused on the likes of Seth, Greg, Doug and Michael, did you happen to consider joining Thomas Werner? There must be hundreds of desperate ASMP members willing to pay to learn the biz of fine art photography. Think of all the chapter meetings!

Anonymous said...

Welcome Back BP , how did you know I was thinking of living with my mother in law?

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Many people at DPREVIEW.COM eagerly await your '08 schedule.

Anonymous said...

Please come back, we need you.

Anonymous said...

Very funny, timely post. Please come back and give us more!

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Thank heavens you are back.
I thought for a quick second you got run over, caught in a fire, moved away, we eaten by cannibals, caught H1N1, turned into a positive person, got talent, or just plain ol couldn't pay your internet connection.
The industry, city, and world can rest easy knowing you are still up and posting.

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Anonymous said...

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