Monday, January 28, 2008

New Consulting Business/Legal Defense Fundraiser

The BP has been mired in a string of legal cases that have been brought against him by former employees so he has not had time to devote to blogging. But like Conscientious Camera Club and Rob Haggart, he can spot an opportunity to make a killing when he sees one.

The Bitter Photographer feels like an idiot for missing this. He has spent the last two decades wasting time trying to get people to pay him take pictures. Why spend your time trying to get Art Buyers and photo editors to hire you when you can make a living off a group of people who:

-are desperate and driven by fear

-think that any problem can be solved by throwing money at it and the more money you throw at a problem the better

The answer of course is other photographers. The BP will follow in the footsteps of other such luminaries as: Seth Resnick, Douglas Kirkland, Michael Grecco and Greg Gorman.

For an nominal fee ($650/hour -the same as BP's lawyer charges) clients will cover such topics as;

-How to take a lens cap off properly

-The Web: A Flash in the Pan -Don't waste your time.

-How much to bribe an Art Buyer to hire you

-The best way to hide jobs from your rep so you don't have to pay a commission

-How to answer the phone so it sounds like you have a giant studio and don't in fact live with your mother in law

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Another genius bites the dust

BP signing off for now. The Bitterphotographer has to devote himself full-time to fighting the sexual harassment lawsuit brought on by a former employee (Jack S. Tud). Don't ask but the charges are all trumped up and the BP expects to clear his name soon.

A little brain candy:

When I Heard the Learned Astronomer
by Walt Whitman

When I heard the learn’d astronomer,
When the proofs, the figures, were ranged in columns before me,
When I was shown the charts and diagrams, to add, divide,
and measure them,
When I sitting heard the astronomer where he lectured with
much applause in the lecture-room,
How soon unaccountable I became tired and sick,
Till rising and gliding out I wander’d off by myself,
In the mystical moist night-air, and from time to time,
Look’d up in perfect silence at the stars.
Goodbye to all you bitches and haters.

Thursday, November 8, 2007

Personal Shooting

The Bitter Photographer has been going from campaign to campaign -from editorial shoot to editorial shoot and is spent. He really needs to get back to doing some personal shooting to recharge the old batteries. He really can't say how important it is for a big time shooter like him to keep it green. Keep it fresh! Its time to dust off the old Holga. Or maybe go out to Burning Man and just go crazy. And there is always India or Cuba or how about the good old Bonnevile Salt Flats! Yeah!

From A Photo Editor:

APE chiming in:

"I am a big fan of the BP and wanted to introduce myself to his readers. I have a MFA in the history of photography from NYU and have worked as a photography director at several high profile magazines. People ask me what it takes to be a great photo editor and I think it takes a keen eye, an understanding of the history of photography and broad working knowledge of a wide range of photographers working today. Some editors just phone it in and will only hire the "hot" or "established" shooters. I , on the other hand,take pride in the fact that I have the experience, eye and confidence to spot talent that hasn't been worn out like a pinata at a quinceanera. Here are a few diamonds in the rough I have just discovered. Some day they are going to be huge! I doubt you have heard of them: Richard Avedon, Annie Leibowitz and Irving Penn.Enjoy"

Wow thanks APE. The BP wonders who you are. You kind of sound like the Bitter Photographer's biggest editiorial client at Cat Fancy but can't be sure. Hmmmm.

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

New PDN Contest Anouncement: The Garbage Can Contest

As you can see from the post attached BP is in constant contact with the folks over at PDN. In fact the Bitter Photographer is happy to be the first one to make the following announcement:

In addition to the Photo Annual , PIX, Self-Promotion, World in Focus, Weddings, Student Contest: the editors at Photo District News are pleased to announce a new contest geared to toward any lost soul who through some clerical error has not gotten into one the of the dozen or so contests we offer. As long as we get your entry fee on time you are in. If you have the money you are a winner!

Finally a contest up the BP's alley! Cha!

Monday, November 5, 2007

Jan Steinhiber doing his part

Now that it is illegal to advertise tobacco in most of this country it is great to see guys like Jan Steinhiber doing what they can to promote this valuable product abroad. You can always count on the Germans to do the right thing.

BP especially likes the way Camel has historically targeted children in their Ads. Talk about cutting edge!

The Bitter Photographer has a soft spot in his heart for the Camel brand. He had his first cigarette when he was 8 sitting around the camp fire with his scout leader Mr Nelson smokin Camels and lookin' at dirty magazines. That was a special time.

And another shout out to JS's agent Bill Stockland for keeping the flame alive. BP hearts the tobacco industry and it is great to see he is not alone.

The Kid is Back!

After going to all the parties at Photo East BP fell into a post-expo depression. He has not been out of bed in two weeks and has been living on a diet of Chinese take out, Fanta and Ambein. It was not pretty. Fortunately BP came across Kwaku Alston's work which of course led him to Kwak's mentor, Jay Silverman and that really cheered him up and got him out of bed and back to blogging.

Is Kwaku Alston the black Jay Silverman?




Thursday, October 18, 2007

BP at Photo East

The Bitter Photographer hopes to see you all at Photo East. Here is a list of the workshops he plans on attending:

-Creating Believable Fake Receipts:How to turn a $500 editorial job into a two thousand dollar boondoggle

-Ad Job Yoga: How to bend over while seeming to hold your head high

-Tax Tips: How to claim the cleaning lady as your studio manager

-Which is more rare?: The Wooly Mammoth or the Honest Agent? Hope to see Happy Sally there!!

-The Alec Soth Hugging Booth (running all weekend)-come console Soth and listen to all the ways BP hurt his feelings.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Thumbs Up to Chase Jarvis!

Photo by Chase Jarvis

The Bitter Photographer would like to give a shout out to fellow blogger and photographer rights champion: Chase Jarvis.

While it is true Chase is twice the man BP will ever be.( With a name like Chase it is a given and you can see how yummy Chase is by reviewing the dozen or so videos featuring CJ in helicopters, cars, trains, bikes, ATVs, camels, yurts etc on his blog) The Bitter Photographer is afraid of heights and soiled himself last time he went on a ride on Coney Island.

The Bitter Photographer really appreciates how Chase has embraced Royalty Free pricing on Getty. Who do these photographers think they are charging $49/image? If Happy Sally hadn't landed that monster deal in Malaysia the BP would join Chase by licensing hundreds of RF images through Getty. Chase gets it and the BP gets Chase.

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

The Bitter Photographer Hearts Microstock

Big News!! Happy Sally just negotiated a monster deal to sell every photograph he ever shot to a Micro stock agency in Malaysia!!

After the US stock agency takes its 55% cut and the foreign agent takes their 60% of that and HS takes her normal 70% commission the bitter photographer should have enough to order a Vente (!!!!!!!) Pumpkin Carmel Frapaccino next time he goes to Starbucks. Who says photography doesn't pay?

Next UP on The Bitter Photographer's Crew: BP's First Assistant:Jack S. Tud

Jack is an all around great guy and the Bitter Photographer would be lost without him. Jack is the Tonto to BP's Lone Ranger. The Starsky to BP's Hutch and the Tina to BP's Ike.

JT is always willing and eager to pitch in whenever something needs to be done. Whether it is loading a camera, picking up BP's laundry or giving BP one of his patented all over massages. The Bitter Photographer especially likes those when his girlfriend is out of town or in a bad mood. Mmmmmmmm.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Meet BP's Team. First Up His Rep:HAPPY SALLY

The Bitter Photographer thought this would be a good time to introduce the people who have made BP the man who his: starting with his rep: Happy Sally.

BP: Can you tell us a little bit about yourself?

HS: Sure, I work really hard to make sure all my photographers have long, successful and happy careers.

BP: How many photographers do you represent?

HS: We try and not take on too many artists. It is crucial that each photographer gets the time and attention they need. Right now we only rep 145 photographers but we also have illustrators, stylists and animal trainers. We really are a boutique agency .

BP: Can you tell us a little about your background?

HS: Love to!! I have been in the business for 10 years. Before being a rep I sold time shares in Toledo and did PR for Atria Group.

BP: What is your style of working? Do you have a philosophy?

HS: We will beat any price!

BP: You're the best.

Friday, October 5, 2007

An Open Letter to Jorg Colberg and the members of the Conscientious Camera Club

Dear Sirs,

The Bitter Photographer is heartily sorry for any harm he may have caused by any of his recent posts.

The BP understands the work of the camera club is very important and needs to be taken seriously. Some say we as a nation should concentrate on planning our victory celebration in Iraq. I say no! I say what we need to focus on is making, posting and discussing photographs of empty parking lots and poor southerners holding dead animals.

The Bitter Photographer gets it and apologizes. It won't happen again.


The Bitter Photographer

PS Hope to see you all at the Rec Center on Sat.

Thursday, October 4, 2007

Conscientious on Larry Sultan

I rather like the Valley work of Larry Sultan ( . He is able to combine two of my favorite things:photography and porn. If he could somehow include a big tub of fried chicken I would be in heaven. Jorg Colberg

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Let's Tip Our Hats for a Moment





The Bitter Photographer would like to talk about something serious for a minute. The blog is all fun and good but the nation is at war.

You may ask yourself. What can I do to help the war effort? What can I do to counter the defeatists? Truth be told BP is a bit of a coward. But he knows three brave men who have made the ultimate sacrifice:They worked on ad campaigns.

John Huet and Andy Anderson (an Air Force veteran) shot recruitment campaigns and let's not forget the work done by Walt Denson for Haliburton. Where would we be in Iraq without our contractors? The BP shudders to think about it.

What the Bitter Photographer can not abide is the work of anti Americans like Nina Berman. If we are going to defeat the enemy we can't have photographers like Berman giving the wrong impression about the war.

The Cooz and The Perv

Please correct the Bitter Photographer if he is wrong. All his information comes third hand from the internet.

Jock Sturges made images of naked people (some prepubescent girls) on a beach in France.

Mona Kuhn assisted him.

Later, Mona made pictures of nude people on a beach in France BUT USED A DIFFERENT CAMERA.

Is the BP the only one who thinks this is whacked?

What if Atget had an assistant who shot Paris at dawn but used a 4x5 instead of 8x10?

As an aside the BP will not be asking JS to babysit his nieces any time soon.

Monday, October 1, 2007

The $100,000 phone call

There are times when the Bitter Photographer has to get on a conference call with an ad agency to land a campaign. Usually it is down to the BP and two other shooters.
The BP has to be ON.

It is the BP's experience that the key to these conversations is to lie. Avoid the truth at all costs.

The BP wants to say things like:

"Oh this looks just like the campaign that I saw in CA two years ago."
"Don't you think copying this image from another photographer is against the law?"
"I have no idea what this campaign is about. What does a sheep have to do with selling deodorant?"
"You really are a moron"

But instead The Bitter Photographer magically transforms himself into AP:The Alpha Photographer.

"Damn Skippy I will shoot this campaign for you and I will kill it. I am gonna bitch slap it until it forgets its name"
"It is so great that you even considered me to shoot this can of soda on white. I can really see how my images i spent 10 years working on of dieing AIDS patients make me perfect for this shoot"
"I agree, I think experience is overrated. So what if you are 18 months out of the AD Circus and I have been shooting since Carter was president. Its allllll good dude"
"After looking at your comps it make me really wish they gave a Nobel Prize for advertising."

Sunday, September 30, 2007

Kathy Ryan

Don't you think she needs to give other magazines a chance? Does she have to kick everyone's ass every week. Can't she take a week off? Geeeesh.

Platon, Dan Winters, Nigel Perry, Jeff Reidel. Its like murders row. Not to
mention all the photographers she has "discovered" Taryn Simon, Katy Grannan, Gregory Crewsdon.

Alec Soth's Blog: Where fawning sycophants reign

I am a huge fan of Soth's work but do not understand why his blog gets so much attention . Am I the only one tired of reading all his fans chiming in on what a genius he is and how he feeds into it.
And while we are on the Soth rant what is up with photographing his own schlong in the Niagara book?
Do we will really need to see his gear in order for him to have cred as an artist?

Yes the Bitter Photographer is just jealous of Soth's popularity but that doesn't mean he is wrong.