Monday, October 1, 2007

The $100,000 phone call

There are times when the Bitter Photographer has to get on a conference call with an ad agency to land a campaign. Usually it is down to the BP and two other shooters.
The BP has to be ON.

It is the BP's experience that the key to these conversations is to lie. Avoid the truth at all costs.

The BP wants to say things like:

"Oh this looks just like the campaign that I saw in CA two years ago."
"Don't you think copying this image from another photographer is against the law?"
"I have no idea what this campaign is about. What does a sheep have to do with selling deodorant?"
"You really are a moron"

But instead The Bitter Photographer magically transforms himself into AP:The Alpha Photographer.

"Damn Skippy I will shoot this campaign for you and I will kill it. I am gonna bitch slap it until it forgets its name"
"It is so great that you even considered me to shoot this can of soda on white. I can really see how my images i spent 10 years working on of dieing AIDS patients make me perfect for this shoot"
"I agree, I think experience is overrated. So what if you are 18 months out of the AD Circus and I have been shooting since Carter was president. Its allllll good dude"
"After looking at your comps it make me really wish they gave a Nobel Prize for advertising."


Anonymous said...

we are amused, highly amused. keep up the good work!

Anonymous said...

Perhaps if you didn't lie all the time you would not be bitter photographe?

Bitter Photographer said...

If the Bitter Photographer stopped lying then he would have to change his name to the Broke-Ass photographer and that just seemed redundant.

Anonymous said...

It's funny because it's true....

Love your honesty!

Anonymous said...

You have become my hero.

I wish I too could be honest at my job. When I review a car photographer's portfolio I wish I could say: "wow thanks for showing me this amazing car book that looks like every other photographer's portfolio. You really nailed it. I love the moody skies. How did you think of that? I also love how your trying to sell this piece of crap like it's real art and not just another advertisement for a fucking car."

Please keep up the great postings.

Anonymous Art Buyer

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